Emotionally, the last few days have been draining. All of this has been tough on everyone. Decisions about who would watch Parker while I'm here and Nolan is working. Making sure Vanessa gets to and from school. Figuring out what to do with my unfinished business orders. Parker been so stressed out and he can't even visit without having a major meltdown. I miss cuddling with him all day and I know that he is confused about everything going on.
It's so hard, I feel so detached from everyone. From Vanessa, Nolan and Parker. I feel so alone. My only comfort is knowing that all this is keeping lil' Eliana in longer. I just can't handle the idea of Eliana having to spend time in the NICU. Not being able to take her home with us right away. Not being able to hold her anytime I want. I recently saw a comment that was made by someone else that is going through something similar in her pregnancy. I was pretty upset by it. The individual stated that she visited the NICU and saw 32 week old baby and that the baby didn't look all that bad off. I don't care how uncomfortable or how much pain I'm in, as long as she's not in distress, I would do anything in my power to keep Eliana from going into the NICU.
I trust my OB and I know that being here is what is best right now. That being said it doesn't make it easier.